The Simple Thing In Life: To Live

It has been a month and a half. And recently I decided I was going to go online shopping at sephora.com. While looking through mascaras and other beauty products I had been drooling over about two months ago I was drooling over again. And then the wave hit me. Here I was sitting inside with my Macbook looking at MATERIAL objects from sephora that I WANTED. And there was my rabbit who had fought so hard for one thing the week his health went down: to live. I wanted mascara, he wanted to live. I'm not sure whether or not I will buy that mascara now that that wave hit me so hard.

Nightly Talks to Heaven

Every single night I talk to Lila in Heaven. Whether its a simple 'Mommy loves you.' or a whole conversation I carry out it happens. And I always feel better. If you don't believe in Heaven that is fine too. Just imagine talking to your pet and say what you want to say (I believe that in Heaven he is listening to me and what I am saying). I find this very helpful and I feel better.

Crying

Crying is good. It's a good way to release a lot of tension and it helps a lot in the grieving process. I cried every day for over a month and then I became addicted to crying. I HAD to cry every single day in order to stay connected to him from the day he passed away. One night I was so tired I forgot to cry. And while I think this is a selfish thing, I am glad I forgot. It meant I didn't have to bring up thinking about his death every night and cry about it. It meant I didn't have to dig out the card from the vet, read it and cry. Now I cry at least once a week. It ends up being more like three or four times a week. Sometimes by myself while lying in bed. And sometimes I cuddle with my Mommy and I cry and talk about him. I think both of those are important. When I cry alone I talk to Lila (in Heaven) and feel better. But it is also the reason why I cry sometimes too.

The first week

The first week after your pet passes away make yourself a memory box. I found that this helped quite a bit with the grieving process. You can either make a box, buy a box or what I did was since I had a rabbit I used a box that was his favorite. Fill it with the pet's things. This can be toys, samples of his/her favorite food, treats, written pieces, whatever. And don't think that just because your pet is no longer with you in his/her body you can't write letters to your pet. You can constantly add to your memory box. Make sure you keep it in a safe place.

First Days

It's been almost two months and I still count every day. I'm not sure if I am ready to write a blog about the loss of my rabbit who I had for six years but I will try. The morning I found out I didn't eat breakfast. And I barely ate that day. For the next week I barely ate anything and actually lost a few pounds. While this isn't a good thing I realized that it is part of the grieving process and you have to let what your body feels feel (already I am crying). When I brought his body to be cremated that was when I had to go through no appetite again and quite a bit of exhausting crying and spilling of emotions. In my opinion I think everyone needs to see a therapist on a weekly basis but I think this is a time when you really need to see one. This is when you need help. It's when you need to spill everything out. You need to talk about all the fun times you had (I promise just thinking of them will make you laugh, and cry at the same time). I was glad when I really realized why I was crying. And maybe you will too. I was crying because I was going to miss all the fun we had. If I had not had any fun with my bunny (Lila) I would have had nothing to cry about. But I did. The first few days you need to just listen one hundred percent and be in tune one hundred percent with your body. If your body doesn't want to eat or drink anything then don't. If your body wants to, then eat and drink. Just listen to your body.